Listening

Learn to listen when others speak,
for many who listen are hearing only their
own minds.
To truly listen, you must become silent inside.
Then you will not only know others,
you will feel and know the heart of life.

Calendar of Awakening - Day 60
 ~Julie Redstone~

The focus of much of the past month for us has been a deep exploration of how peace is truly created. This has been one aspect of a very deep and full month for us as we deepen our connection with each other and with God. There is so much happening, and we trust that over the next months as more unfolds we will be sharing our journey with all of you more deeply. For now, we would like to share one aspect of what has begun to profoundly change our life.

Over the years that we have been together one of the deepest pains between the two of us as a couple - is our inability to refrain from arguing with each other. Under stress, even though we had a deep commitment not to argue - we would find ourselves embroiled in arguments that left us drained, saddened and using up valuable time in our lives that could have been used for many other things. At times we have felt helpless with this pattern and have prayed deeply for healing of this difficulty. Over the years, we have been more or less successful with living peacefully, but we often found the peace we had created was just a tenuous truce that could easily be thrown off course under larger stressors.

Recently, we have been in a deep spiritual practice of eliminating all arguments between us. This has been an intense spiritual practice for us. Though our arguments can be seen as “totally normal” in a marriage through the eyes of ordinary thinking - we have come to deeply understand that they have been destructive to our deepest longings for deep and true intimacy. We know that an argument that only lasts a moment can have lasting effects for hours. For years, we have noted to each other that if we, with all our devotion to peace could not maintain a consistent peaceful life, how do we even hope to begin to teach peace and how do we begin to hold hope that the situations that exist around the world could possibly find peaceful resolutions to complicated and difficult problems? This has left us confounded but trusting that God would show us a way that we knew not. We had come to trust that the pain, learning and healing that was happening for us was both a personal and relationship purification at the deepest level, and that we were also learning important planetary principles that we would at some point be able to share with others. Through these years our compassion has deepened for how difficult these patterns of arguments and disagreements can be to break. We are in a process of writing more about this, but for now we would like to begin by sharing some of the ways we are finding that has been such a blessing in our life.

What we are learning to practice is:

*At the first moment that we become aware of some expression of lack of respect, love, or kindness in how we are being with each other - we have committed to stop, to breathe - and to take some moments, often with eyes closed, to re-center ourselves in inner ‘prayer’. Trusting that in God and through love, a way can be found through.

* In these moments of quiet and prayer, to be willing to re-center ourselves in love and be willing to let go of all that is not love. To trust that in this deep listening we can be led by our higher selves and by God to a more whole response.

* To speak to each other from this more surrendered place - slowing things down, listening and speaking, orienting ourselves to trusting this God-centered process - and to see what emerges that is more than what either of us might have expected.

This has been so beautiful. After we have released the difficulty, we have been able to simply begin again and in a simple moment come to an understanding of what the other was truly saying and thus find a way to meet the needs of the moment. Whether it is a compromise, an apology or a needing to go more deeply into our life with God and ask what the highest need for this moment is - we have consistently been able to live more peacefully.

This practice has been a deep blessing in our life. We have felt our love and trust deepening quickly. We have found that we have more time, rather than less time and in the union of our commitment to this our trust of each other and our trust of ourselves has grown. This has been a deep healing and gift. As we are practicing this between us, we are seeing how it is affecting those around us. Our closest friends can feel a palpable difference in the love we emanate between us. In our work, we have been able to hold a deeper compassion and trust for this journey. We deeply trust that as we continue to deepen our practice, the gifts will continue to unfold in unseen ways.

We offer this practice to each of you to share with those around you. It is of course most effective when two people can consciously commit to this healing journey. But if you are in a relationship with a parent, child, co-worker, friend or anyone - they do not have to join you, in order for this to work. It takes two to fight and if one of you has a deep commitment to peace, then there can be no fight.

The same principles apply, even if it is only one holding the light of peace. When the other person seems committed to fighting you can simply explain your commitment to peace, your desire to take a moment and find peace and centeredness within yourself and your willingness to continue the discussion once you have taken a moment for peace. Of course sometimes this is not easy with another and then there has to be a willingness to let go for a period of time and return at another time when it is possible to communicate with love, respect and peace. Trusting God that what truly needs to be spoken, healed or resolved will find its way to being addressed in God’s timing. This principle can also be used with couples who despite their best intentions, have found themselves in the middle of a difficulty. The moment one of you awakens to the awareness that a fight has begun, then it takes only one to stop the argument. Often at that point, it is important to separate for a period of time. Each of you taking your space to recover, heal, and be willing to be open, loving and listen to the other.

We deeply hope that this practice will deepen your experiences of peace, love and light in your life. We have been in awe and gratitude for what has been possible as we have committed to this healing journey. Please know that you do not have to do this perfectly for it to work. The most important part of this journey is your love and compassion for yourself and those around you. When you falter, begin again. It is not about doing this perfectly, but about committing to a life of peace, and learning and trusting that as your own healing deepens you will begin to feel the changes in your life. And as we each commit to this path of peace, we will begin to see how the world truly becomes a more peaceful planet.

With much love and blessings, Robert and Michaela